Thursday, June 28, 2007

Let's Celebrate! 59.8 big ones!

Okay, so I had my WW weigh-in today. I *only* lost 2 lbs. last week. I needed to lose 2.2 lbs. to reach 60 lbs. lost today. I know, cry me a river. I am actually quite thrilled with my loss and I think 59.8 lbs. feels just as good as 60 lbs. would have.

I mentioned to my wonderful meeting leader, Melvin, that I need to set a goal. The 141 you see on my ticker up above is what I have been working towards, but it was just an arbitrary number I picked because it was the top end of a height/weight chart I found on the internet. For example, WW says the top end of my weight range is 146. Go figure. So he said we could talk next week about setting a number. I'm scared because I've had this 83 lb. goal in my head since last August, and now I'm thinking of making the journey longer, but I just don't know if I'm going to be satisfied with being at the upper end of my weight range. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just don't know how I'll feel. I'm thinking maybe the 130's are where I want to be. I think my sister weighs 115-120 lbs., she's 5'2" and she's skinny. I honestly do not want to be that skinny. First, I wouldn't be being true to myself or my self-image at that weight and second, I don't think it would be worth the sacrifices I'd need to make to maintain it. But, when do you decide how much weight to lose and can you decide you haven't lost enough? I guess what I'm saying is . . .

How do you know when you've lost *enough* weight?

P.S. I know I have been doing horribly on the exercise front. I am trying to start Kim's 100 day challenge, but I have been failing miserably. (Kim, I'm sorry, I have been no use to you so far ! :) I just told my friend Megan that I was going to try the swim club on Monday. I don't know if that was a lie or not seeing as I won't be able to do it again after Monday since Wednesday is July 4th and the following week Water Aerobics starts! (Yah Water Aerobics!) I know I should stop staying I'll try to do things and just commit to doing them. I suck. I really think I'd feel better if I got regular exercise. I just so freakin' lazy! I do much better with scheduled classes than being left to my own devices.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Interview Update

Hey guys, so I had my screening interview today with the "big national retailer." It turned out that the recruiter only handles jobs in merchandising, but it became apparent from my answers to her questions that I want a job in marketing which is 100% true (I focused on marketing in school, I was a graduate teaching assistant with the marketing department, I have 9 years of experience in advertising and marketing ...) She was very nice about it, and in some ways this was part of the point of the interview - to discover if we were a match. So, the interview only lasted about 20 minutes. But ... she said she would pass my resume along to a marketing recruiter and see if they had any jobs available in marketing! She also said that it might take her a few days, but that she'd get back to me by the end of the week. Hey, no problem - she's doing me a favor! So, I think she must have been interested, or she wouldn't have offered to pass me along. One of the questions I asked her was what is the hiring process. She said that the first round is an in-depth phone interview with a recruiter (which would have been today). Then, if you get passed that you are invited to the corporate headquarters in middle America for a full day of interviews. At that point they usually make a decision, but sometimes you are called back for a second round of on-site interviews. Pretty intense! I just hope I make it that far. I'm kinda bummed that I closed the door on the job she was recruiting for. I am curious about it, but I don't want her to think that I'm settling if the marketing group doesn't have any positions. I'll keep you posted if anything happens with this company in the future. Thanks for the well wishes!

I weigh-in at WW tomorrow. Fingers crossed that I hit 60 lbs. lost tomorrow night. It's a stretch - I'd need to lose 2.2 lbs. in one week, but it feasible, right?! :)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Weekend Update

Hey there, I actually did my CardioScuplt DVD on Friday morning. I know, it's shocking! I set a really low goal for myself of 60 minutes of exercise this week. Let's see if I can manage to motivate myself to actually do the d*mn DVD again!

I have good news. An executive recruiter for a high-profile national company called me for a screening interview! It's my first interview since I started applying for jobs in March! I'm very excited, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective and not make too much of a big deal about it. I've been networking with a couple of alums from my undergraduate university and one of them passed my resume along to this recruiter. (I would network with alums from my grad school, but the university's alumni directory sucks big time and it's a regional school so there aren't many alums in other parts of the country where I am applying for jobs. My goal is to move out of this area.) I'll let you know how the screening process goes.

My eating goal this week is to only use 3 flex points a day. If I earn activity points, I can use those too. I don't know if I'm going to reach this goal, but since I only lost 20% of 1 pound last week I want to get back on track. Even if I use more than 3 points a day, I'll still probably use less flex points than I normally do.

Enjoy the remainder of the weekend. I'll be prepping for my interview tomorrow on my laptop in the shade at the pool :)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

25 lbs. From my Goal!

Hey guys! Yep, that's right. My ticker says that I'm only 25 lbs. from my goal! I'm so excited. I know it will take a while to get there, ( I *only* lost 0.2 lbs. this week, but hey, I'll take that!)but it is so gratifying to see what looks like a manageable amount of weight left to lose. Someone at my WW meeting tonight got their Lifetime Membership Certificate. How cool is that! I had never seen someone reach lifetime before, so it was inspiring.

I decided to sign-up for Deep Water Aerobics again. (Thanks for your comments.) It doesn't start until July 9th, which is a bummer, but I think I made the right decision. I'm still going to check out the swim club, but I really enjoyed water aerobics and I missed it.

I was talking with my therapist and she asked me what other bloggers felt about their self-esteem related to weight-loss when they are going through stressful periods, like looking for a job. She seems to think that it is possible that the reason why I'm not enjoying my weight loss more is because I am facing all kinds of rejections during my job search. What do you guys think?

I haven't been exercising lately, and I've been feeling lousy. Tomorrow I am DEFINITELY going to do my CardioSculpt DVD in the morning. No excuses! I've got 25 lbs. of motivation :)

Monday, June 18, 2007

In the Deep End

So I had a couple non-scale victories last week . I went out to dinner with a friend a couple times last week. We went out late - around 9pm - since she wanted to go to the gym after work (good for her!). Both times it was a last minute decision to go out, so I had already eaten dinner. Both times I declined ordering any food and just sipped a beer or water. In the past, I totally would have at least ordered an appetizer, if not a full second dinner. She said she didn't mind and that it didn't make her uncomfortable. I believe her because: 1) she was ravenous both times and totally into her food and not what I was eating or not eating and 2) she knows I'm trying to watch what I eat and not over-eat. I don't plan on making this a habit, since part of going out to dinner is sharing the eating experience, but it's nice to know I can decline food when I'm in that situation.

I contacted the point person for the master's swim club in my area. She's mailing me a pass for 3 free sessions. I love that they are letting me "test drive" the club before committing to it. I think it will be $50-$60 to pay for the club dues for a year and the annual dues for the national organization. That's a lot when you are living on student loans. And I most likely will not be in the area for an entire year so I really want to know that I can do this before I commit money to it. I'm also thinking about doing deep water aerobics next month instead. It's only 5 weeks (2x per week) and it runs about the same amount of money. I'm not sure which one to do. I'm intrigued by the challenge of the swim club, but water aerobics is a no-brainer and something I really enjoy and I quite like the social interaction. I won't get that from the swim club and I desparately need it now that school is out and I can go a whole day without talking to anyone besides the cashier at the grocery store. What do you guys think?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm Not on a Schedule

So things have been very non-weight loss focused in my life for the past few days. I have been doing a lot for my job search (not that I'm not doing that all the time, but I don't usually write about it) and I've tried to get myself on a schedule at home. I haven't been paying my bills on time. Well, that's not totally true. I have them all on auto-pay through my checking account, so the utilities are fine, but it hasn't been set up to pay the credit cards enough, so I have been getting finance charges! My own fault. I turned off all the auto-pays and now I'm paying them as they come in, like I used to do when God was a boy. I have also been following this "home keeping" schedule:

* Take out trash and recycling
* Do laundry

* Go to grocery store
* Do errands

* Clean apartment

* Do odd jobs
* Take out trash and recycling

I know, it's lame, but I want to stick to some sort of schedule since I'm not working. Then I am going to try to layer in my exercise DVDs (I can't seem to walk past the beautiful pool to the gym in my apartment complex, so it looks like I won't be using the gym until the pool closes :) Did I tell you all that I'm doing part-time work for my department at school over the summer? I think it is just going to be for June, but keep your fingers crossed that they have work for me in July too. This job search thing is really kicking my a**. I haven't had this hard of a time looking for a job since I graduated from undergrad, and then I was living with my parents and they were basically paying my bills (only for about 9 months, then I was self-sufficient once I got my job in NYC.) I've been doing a lot of networking, so hopefully something will pop.

I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to feel once I reach my goal weight. I don't think I'm going to feel much different than I feel now, which isn't so good. I think part of my problem is that I've been thinking about how long I lived with all the weight and how much time I wasted "hiding." I know not everyone uses weight as a protective barrier, but I have and still do. It makes me sad to think about how I could have been living life all those years. But the truth is that I could have been having a great time at the size I was, I just didn't feel good about myself. Truth is, 50 lbs. later, I still don't feel that good about myself. I've started talking with my old therapist from NYC again over the phone. I'm hoping she can help me find my way. I guess you could say that I'm not really on schedule for feeling good about my weight loss yet. I haven't caught up yet.

P.S. I don't know how you all feel about the Dixie Chicks, but I love them. (One lovely friend told me I look like Natalie Maines. A terrific compliment because Natalie is beautiful, but I think my friend is on crack because I look nothing like her.) I just watched the documentary Shut Up & Sing and it was fabulous, I highly recommend it.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Thinks that Make You Go Hmmm

Thanks to KL @ "YAWN to Come Hither" for tagging me for the "Thinking Blogger Award!" That is soooo nice of you to say. It makes me feel awesome that the stuff I write about means something to you!

Here are the rules for the "Thinking Blogger Award":

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

Okay, so it was incredibly hard to pick only 5 blogs, and I purposely didn't mention KL's "YAWN to Come Hither" (even though I read it 5x a week), or any of the blogs she mentioned in her list, (even though I wanted to because they are great!) because I wanted other fabulous blogs to get some attention too. My apologies if I didn't include your blog. I hated having to choose because there are so many of you out there that make me think!

In no particular order:
1. Weight of My World by JessiferSeabs
2. Patience by Angelfish24
3. Yet Another Weight Watchers Blog by Jen
4. Lily Loss Lbs. by LilyT
5. Baby Steps V by Vickie

I weighed-in tonight and I have great news - I'm in a new decade! I'm at 168.2 lbs. That number looks surreal. I'm having a hard time accepting that I've lost so much weight. It doesn't seem real, but then I check the size of the clothes I am wearing, or a surreptitiously step on a scale besides the WW ones, and I am reminded that I have, in fact, lost the weight. I don't see myself as any different when I look in the mirror, except when I'm wearing a bathing suit, then I notice a difference from last summer. This whole weight loss thing is a weird thing to go through. It shouldn't really change your life (it doesn't make you any more of a valuable or love-able person) but it's a big change in some ways if you've been overweight for years. I guess I'm not articulating myself very well tonight. I guess what I'm saying is that even though I've lost all this weight, I still feel overweight. I don't really feel any different. On a day-to-day basis, I don't think I feel better about myself. I don't think I have more self-esteem. Okay, I enjoyed wearing the little black dress to graduation, but that was a one shot deal. Truthfully, even though I hadn't fit into it in years, when I looked at myself in the mirror I didn't look as good as I remember thinking I did when I first bought it in 1997. Kinda sad. Has anyone ever felt this way?

Monday, June 04, 2007

Home Sweet Home

Hey all, I'm back home. I arrived at midnight last night. It's good to be back in my lovely, huge apartment after staying with my friend in her tiny studio apartment. I forgot how small things are in New York. The networking went well. I had 7 meetings last Thursday and discussed my job search with other friends that I saw and they are going to put feelers out for me too. One thing I realized, which surprised me, I don't HAVE to move back to New York. I liked being there, but I didn't have the pull I've had on my previous trips to move back. If it happens, great, if it doesn't, I am sure I'll be happy wherever I land.

I thought I had done okay food wise, but when I plugged what I ate into the WW online points tracker I realized I went over my flex points by 26 points! I thought Thursday would be considered last week, and I forgot that it is the first day of my WW week, not my last day. I was really hoping to not go up on my next weigh-in. I'll be only using my daily points Monday-Thursday, and I get weighed-in on Thursday evenings. I plan to do my CardioSculpt DVD Monday-Thursday as well (I have no excuse not to!). So, it will be a crap shoot to see whether or not I maintained from last Tuesday, or if I'm up. I really hope I'm not up, but I don't really deserve to be down. This yo-yo-ing up and down week-to-week is really discouraging, even though I only have myself to blame.

I have to say that it is tough to eat healthy in New York. I will admit to some poor choices, but the menus do not give a lot of healthy options. Their fish dishes are covered in butter (which I asked for on the side). Lots of places don't even have light beer on the menu. (I did well on the not-drinking front. I did drink some, but very little compared to what I drank over graduation week.) If I move back there I am going to have to learn how to order in those restaurants. I ordered fajitas, which I eat without the tortilla shells. They gave me like 5 tiny little pieces of peppers and onions and a sea of beans covered in cheese. I did get a little bit of lettuce, tomato and onion, but not a lot. And they butchered the portobello mushrooms. Go figure.

On the friend front, everyone just treated me like they normally do. They mentioned my weight loss when they first saw me, but otherwise, they didn't ask any questions. It was nice to see that they won't be treating me any differently. What was different was going into BCBGMaxAzria and being able to try on their large size clothes and actually fitting into them! I mean, I have no intention of buying a $190 dress, but it was fun to try it on! Wearing a suit that I could actually button across my chest was really cool too. Now one of my non-scale goals is to be able to wear a regular bath towel "tied" around my chest in my apartment after I take a shower. I've been using beach towels for years and I'd love to be able to use just a regular towel. They look so tiny though. Dare to dream.