Thursday, October 18, 2007

Numbers

So, now that I'm like 4 lbs. from goal, I finally met with my meeting leader and told him/agreed to my goal. He was looking at the WW guidelines and was fine with 141 lbs. being my goal weight since 146 lbs. is the upper end of the range for my height (5'4"). I told him 141 lbs. was from another height/weight chart I had seen pre-WW. He thought it was a good number. He said that as far as WW was concerned, 141 lbs. it would be and I wouldn't need to worry about losing any more, but, if for myself, I wanted to go down to say 135 lbs. that would be okay. I really liked hearing this because the WW booklet shows 117 lbs. (!!*#@^*!!) as the low end of the range for 5'4". I thought that was mighty low for me. I don't think I'd be comfortable near that weight and I don't think it would be sustainable for me. (My apologies to anyone who is that weight/wants to be that weight. I'm just talking from my perspective. It's not meant as a judgement on anyone else.)

My meeting leader and I talked a little bit about how I'm feeling these days in my new body and I told him I think I like it, but I'm not sure if I want to lose more, or if I feel like I've already lost enough and don't need to get to my goal. Sometimes I feel this pressure to be a certain size, sometimes I feel like I should be an 8 and I "shouldn't want any more", sometimes I feel like I should be a 6 because its lower than I ever thought I'd be and sometimes, when people say 6s are cut big in a certain store, I think I should be a 4. I know this kind of thinking is all sorts of messed up and not healthy. And I know that I am quite lucky to have such a problem to worry about. I know I've been talking about buying clothes a lot lately, partly because I don't have any, partly because its fun to try different styles on now and partly because of my job at Ann Taylor. I think I'm going to stop looking and trying things on until I reach my goal weight, whether that be the official 141 or 135, or something entirely different. It will take the pressure off linking my new identity to a size on a clothing tag. I don't know why I have started to do that. Maybe all women do it. I wish we didn't care about the number.

6 comments:

jodi said...

i don't even KNOW what my WW target range is, guess i could look at some of my older books (or go online, right?)... being 4 pounds from goal is awesome and i've been thinking the same kind of things myself... once i reach goal - will i want to lose more? will i be happy where i am? will i be able to maintain that weight easily?

it's going to be a big adjustment i'm sure, so i'm just going to take it one day at a time and see what happens... i think your plan sounds about the same... :o)

Vickie said...

Your post made me remember Jerry Seinfeld changing the numbers on his jeans to the number that he WANTED it to be - rather than the number that it is. Must not be just women. . .

I read your post a couple times.

I remember reading on someone's blog that your body changes for a year after you hit goal/stop losing. For me, this is VERY true. And one year is NOT - IT. I am nearly to the one year mark and my body continues to change and looks like it will continue.

Right now, I am having a REALLY hard time visualizing a static** body.

Will there be a day when my stomach is the same as yesterday and the same as the week before that? Will there be a day when my arms stay the same - when I don't see different definition in the mirror or different contours?

In Yoga - they often talk about finding the place where you need to work (improve) and looking at that as the right path or as helpful information.

And I often wonder if it is a natural progression for our preoccupation to first be the number on the scale and then to be the number on the tag - because it does seem that first it is one thing and then it shifts to the other (for many).



static (sttk) adj.
1.
a. Having no motion; being at rest; quiescent.
b. Fixed; stationary.
2. Physics Of or relating to bodies at rest or forces that balance each other.
3. Electricity Of, relating to, or producing stationary charges; electrostatic.
4. Of, relating to, or produced by random radio noise.

angelfish24 said...

Way to go on being so close to goal. That must feel awesome. I don't know why we worry about sizes so much and it seems all the store sizes vary so it's just crazy.
Way to go on starting/wanting to start jogging. I haven't been doing it in a while but for the training for the race I did and somedays I hated it and other days I just loved how I felt after. Like I really had accomplished something. I have this re-occuring dream that I am running and feeling awesomeand happy and energetic...I hope that day comes in the future for me.

Amazon Alanna said...

I think that 117 is for those ppl who *say* they are 5'4", but are really only 4'11".

Congrats on being only 4 pounds from goal! Holy crap!

Kim said...

4 pounds from goal - WOW. The thought of that kind of blows me away. Congratulations on all of the hard work that you have done to get there. I hope that the more time you spend at whatever weight you decide is good for you, the more at home you feel. Maybe it is just going to take time passing to finally let go of all of the numbers (the scale, our jeans, or measurements) that we hold on to so tightly while we work to get the weight off.

:) I am really really happy for you!

Cory said...

I think the size obsession is a woman thing. I get that we all get that way occassionally. Sometimes I get obsessed with my size. Probably because I haven't actually went down a full size yet! Who knows how I will be when I get that close to goal. I think your goal is a good one. No sense in pushing yourself any further than you feel comfortable with!