Thursday, March 08, 2007

Half Empty or Half Full?

Hey there, how's it going today? I had a lovely day. I slept in super late (I'm too embarrassed to tell you when I got out of bed), I checked email and did a little research for class, did low-impact aerobics DVD (only had time for 25 minutes of it), showered and did my hair and put on decent clothes and then left for class. We had a guest lecturer who had worked at a start-up. She was very interesting and taught a pretty good class. Afterwards I approached her and asked if she'd be willing to meet me for coffee sometime and discuss her career. She said yes, yeah! Then I left for Weight Watchers. I got to the meeting late, it had already started when I was waiting in line to weigh-in. I hate that, but what are you going to do. I'm down 2.8 lbs. this week - yeah! So I am squarely in the 180's. I'm excited because I am only 4.1 lbs. away from my halfway point to goal weight of losing 83 lbs. In some ways it makes this process seem really daunting, like "I have another 41.5 lbs. to lose, ugh!" But in other ways it is really inspiring, like "Look what I did!" I guess it's just deciding whether the glass is half-empty or half-full.

After talking with my friend this week and having a long conversation with my mom last night, I have decided that I am going to actively work to spend less time thinking about what I look like and spend more time on what I think and feel. That doesn't mean I am going to exercise any less, or eat worse (in fact, my meeting leader challenged us to work on the area we aren't very good at this week and mine is water consumption, so I am going to get healthier!), or spend less time doing my hair and making sure I look nice. I'm just going to stop trying on all my old clothes at night and dreaming of when I'm going to fit into them and what I'm going to look like. Instead I am going to spend more of my free time working on assignments for school and applying for jobs. There is this really interesting position at a company in New York I'm interested in. It has all the elements I'm looking for: management of a team, strategic work and the opportunity to be creative. I spent about an hour with a career counselor at school tailoring my resume and a cover letter to the position. I'm going to finish it up tomorrow and send it off. Then I'm going to reach out to the people in my network to see if they know anyone at that company. Wish me luck!

How was your day today?


Julie said...

Definitely half-full. Wow. You've lost 41 1/2 lbs. That is amazing. And more than most people could ever lose in a lifetime. I am a complete stranger and even I'm proud of you. You have come SO far.

I've finally figured out that by the time I lose enough weight to fit into all those outfits I've been saving, they won't really be that cute anymore because they'll have been 3 - 5 years old and kinda out of fashion. For example, today I'm wearing a snug, lightweight sweater that I haven't worn in about 1 1/2 years because it was too tight on me. Now that it fits, I'm not sure I want to keep it. It's from Target (Mossimo brand) and not of the greatest quality; the cotton is sort of piling and the design is just not very "in" anymore, you know? I honestly don't know why I bother hanging on to this stuff. Even though it makes me feel thinner, once I get over the "Wow" factor of fitting into it again, I realize I'm just wearing clothes that are out of style! :-) Then it's not so great anymore.

Kim said...

It certainly sounds like you had a wonderful day indeed!! Down 2.8 for the week and almost half way to your goal?!?!?!?!? AWESOME work!!

TrixieBelden said...

Hey Julie - thanks for the note! I know what you mean about clothes. You should treat yourself and get something cute and new to show off your new shape!

Hey Kim - you are so sweet! Thanks for the encouragement!

angelfish24 said...

Way to go on the loss this week! And almost to the 1/2 way point, that's exciting. Sounds like a good idea to concentrate on other things outside of the wt loss too. Thinking about the wt all the time is a strain to the brain, well it is for me anyways.
When U going to Vegas? I'm going at the end of the month/beg of April. Hope it's warm!

kelly said...

congrats! that is awesome :)

Lily T said...

What a milestone!

jodi said...

congrats on the loss this week! and i love your attitudue - concentrating on how you feel is so important... once you're in a good place, everything else will just follow naturally and soon it will be second nature...

have a nice weekend... :-)

jen said...


Reading your last post and this one, it seems sad that you're being so hard on yourself. Not only are you unsure it's OK to want to lose weight, you're beating yourself up for having some pretty normal motivations: wanting to look different and to fit into smaller sizes.

I disagree with your friend -- I don't think it makes you a bad or shallow person to want those things. You can accept yourself the way you are now and still want to move toward a different kind of life. By graduating from college, are you saying that all college students are losers? If you get a new job, does that mean your old one is bad? Your goals and desires can change. You need to honor yourself the way you are, and other people too, without saying that you or they are never allowed to change.

Like Julie said, the, "Hey, I'm in size X!" excitement will wear off and that will eventually just be normal to you. And hopefully you'll look back on your former self and your former size and think, "hey, that version of me was pretty cute, too."

Kristin said...

Sounds like you are in the right direction! 41 pounds is definitely something to be proud of, don't stop now! How long has it taken you to lose that much weight? I need to take a piece or your positive thoughts along with me! I wonder if all the leaders do the same thing each week...that's pretty much what we are supposed to do too, weird. Good luck with the job, I'll cross my fingers for you.

TrixieBelden said...

Angelfish24 - Thinking about it all the time has been a strain. I'm leaving for Vegas on the 16th! I hear the weather is great.

Kelly - thanks!

Lily - thank you!

Jodi - thanks, I hope you are right about everything falling into place and becoming second nature. I need that :)

Jen - thanks for your comments. It is nice to hear another perspective. I hope you are right and that I do look back and think good things about my "old" self. I looked at old pictures of myself recently and thought, what was I getting so worked up over, I looked fine! Go figure!

Hey Kristin - thanks for the good luck vibe about the job! It has taken me about 7 months to lose those 37 pounds. Some weeks I've been up and some I've been down. The times I thought were going to be difficult (like the holidays) weren't as bad as times that I just wasn't expecting to have a problem - like a fun weekend I had in NYC with a friend where I gained like 4 pounds in 4 days. Hope that helps!

KL said...

Wow! Somehow I hadn't caught up to the fact that you've lost so much already. Wow! Good for you! As I said to Kim before, it's like you've lost two really big Thanksgiving turkeys! Imagine carrying those around all the time!

Thanks for the list of treats I can give myself. I think I'm going to add gym shoes and perfume (Angel or Dior Addict) to the list. Those are things I think are too expensive to just buy whenever I want. The rest of the things (pedicure, books, etc.), I'm more likely to give to myself when I've done nothing to deserve them.

As for the clothes trying-on. I'm a little guilty of this but not that much. Of course, I have closets filled with clothes I can't wear. In fact, I think I have nearly whole wardrobes in 3-4 different sizes. I'd be glad to get rid of them, and I have gotten rid of everything I think is already out of style. There is one dress (a size 12!) I wore 11 years ago that I'm holding onto. I still think it's beautiful. I last wore it when I weighed about 165 lbs., and I have it hidden way back in a closet where I can't see it. I know it's there though.

Good luck this week! Stay positive!

Glossy said...

Hi, I've just come across your blog. Well done on your weight loss, that's amazing. I say keep trying on the clothes, it will keep your focus. You're doing do well, get that glass filled up!

Mal said...

Halfway is incredible! I would definitely take the "look how far I've come!" stance to things and see how far it gets you. :)