Thursday, August 17, 2006

My Eyes are Bigger than my Stomach ... Literally

So, I went to the doctor this week. You know what that means ... I had to get on the scale.

I can't remember the last time I was weighed. I've been guessing at my weight. I know I've been over 200 pounds for years (I still remember the day the doctor told me. I walked around the block crying because I couldn't bear to go back to work. I was so heartbroken. I didn't see it coming. But I can't remember the date. Was it 5 years ago? 3? Was it Spring or Winter? I can't remember.) I also know I have been gaining weight and that some of the clothes I bought last year (only the expensive ones, like suits, of course) no longer fit me. In fact, over the past year I have even gone up a jean size - to 20 - at The Gap. (Surprisingly this event did not bring me to tears, probably because I have been conscious of my weight lately and I saw this coming.) Based on all the data I have gathered I have been guessing that I weigh 250. (Secretly I have been envisioning the scale saying 263. For some mysteriously significant reason, no doubt.) So, wasn't I surprised when I marched onto the scale on Monday and it said ... 220?!@? Just like that, I "lost" 30 lbs.

What should have taken me the better part of 6 months just happened in a split second. I've longed to lose all my weight overnight. But I didn't really lose anything. And I didn't feel any different after I saw 220 than I did before. My clothes don't feel looser. I don't feel more brazen, or more cocky or more confident. I haven't felt a quickness in my step or found it easier to smile. I have felt none of the things you feel when you embrace the rush of weight loss success.

What this whole episode really taught me is that It's Not About the Numbers! It's about how you feel. So, I am going to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep counting calories, keep trying to motivate myself to exercise, keep encouraging myself to join Weight Watchers "soon". And I'm going to let you all know when I actually feel different. Until then, I'm not about the numbers.


Amazon Alanna said...

So it! Join Weight Watchers... they actually have plan choices these days. And they have a new program coming out where you get to use etools for free if you buy a months worth at a time (or so it seems...I'm getting that payment plan next week as my tickets are running out)

Kimberly said...

Yeah, numbers don't always matter, and they never matter as much as health in general.

I actually found myself in the opposite situation. I didn't have a scale for so long and my weight after I had my son was 340, so I was expecting to be up to about 375, 380 and I was scared of that idea. So I finally got a scale, and boy was I surprised to see 410 on that baby. Not surprised enough, apparently, because I got up to 424 before I started losing.

TrixieBelden said...

Amazon Alanna,

I went on the WW site and found a meeting at 6:30pm on Monday night that is right down the street from me. I'll write a post about after I get home that night. Thanks for the encouragement!

TrixieBelden said...


Yeah, in the past few days I have started to get worried that before I start losing weight, I am going to continue to gain weight until I actually weigh 250. Maybe going to Weight Watchers, like I just posted, will help stem the tide. I like your blog by the way!

Amazon Alanna said...

I'm so happy that you're going to try WW!

Also, I've read Becoming an Ironman about 3 times. I at first borrowed it from my public library, but got it for Christmas after DH saw that I kept checking it out.

BigAssBelle said...

"What should have taken me the better part of 6 months" ~ kickass! what a great start ;-)

i think weight watchers is a great way to learn how to eat reasonably. i just ended up eating nothing but 34 points worth of graham crackers and milk but i'm pretty much not typical of the ww crowd.

i do think the meetings help . . . any community of folks doing the same thing and succeeding.

hope you continue to do well. i like reading your stuff. lynette

TrixieBelden said...

Thanks for the note Lynette! It's interesting to hear how you managed the points. I may end up doing something similar! :) I'm going to post my reaction to my first meeting now.