Reality Bites

So I've been tracking my calories for the past few days at myfooddiary.com. I'm still in the honeymoon stage where I log on after every meal and snack. I have a confession to make. I had cinnamon brown sugar pop tarts this afternoon. 420 calories! According to my food diary, that was more than my lunch! Then I thought I'd be healthy and have "sushi" for dinner tonight. That was a mistake. Not only was it revolting (but of course I ate the entire thing), but it was 1200 calories! According to my diary for the day, my calories are on track for maintaining my weight. Great. Just what I wanted to hear. I'm just getting back into the swing of things with realizing how many calories food actually has. No wonder I have been gaining weight for the last year!

Today sucked. I saw someone I worked with 10 years ago at a happy hour, but I walked right past her because I didn't think she'd recognize me with all the weight I've gained. I just didn't want to have to wait and watch it process across her face who I was. She, of course, looks like she lost weight. Later I thought about going up to her and saying hello, but she had already left. Just as well. I never really liked her anyway. Even so, I feel like a failure. Ten years later and look what I've become. Is it going to take me 10 more years to take it all off?