First Steps

I still can't say I'm committed to losing weight yet, but I have been taking some steps. I went looking for weight loss-inspired online journals and blogs. There's a lot out there that keeps track of how many calories a person has consumed, how many fat grams, how much saturated fat, carbohydrates, proteins, sodium, (are you getting tired yet, because I am) and even in some cases what color the food was (just kidding). But there isn't a lot out there about how people feel about losing weight and what thoughts go through their minds. If anybody knows of any websites with that kind of content, please send me the link. So, that is what inspired this blog. I thought, if I can't find it myself, I'll send off my own missives into cyberspace and see if anybody else is listening and feeling the same way. Here's what I've found so far in my quest to lose weight:

Tales from the Scale by Erin J. Shea is a book I found containing exactly what I was looking for online. It is a collection of blogs by seven female writers in book form, the most famous of whom is Erin Shea who 'penned' the blog "Lose the Buddha". The writers share their insights and feelings on topics ranging from "'The Twinkie Defense' - how they gained weight in the first place, 'The Inner Fat Girl' - the little voice that longs for an identity beyond the body and 'I've Always Liked Big Girls' - Sex and the Fat Woman: experiences with sex, dating, and feeling sexy beyond a size six." It made me laugh out loud and almost made me cry (I'm a tough cookie) and really made me realize that I belong, in spirit, to a group of strong, courageous women who are struggling with the same issues I am. I highly recommend it, so much so, that I'm going to try to put a link to it on the left-hand side of this blog.

Myfooddiary.com - As I wrote, I was looking for online journals by other women trying to lose weight and I found something unexpected - a website that tracks your food, exercise and measurements and gives you cool charts and graphs. I'm sure I'm the last person to find this site and I realize it isn't the only site out there doing this, but I'm new to this whole diet and nutrition thing. I thought it was so cool that I agreed to plunk down $9 bucks a month on a student's budget to give it a try. (There's no minimum number of months required and you can cancel at any time, so what's there to lose?) It has pages and pages of endorsements by satisfied customers and almost as many press mentions in publications like New York Magazine and The Wall Street Journal - two of my favorite sources. So, instead of sharing all my numbers with you, I'll be keeping track of them on this website. I'm going to try to put a link to it on the left as well.

I'm very excited about these two "discoveries". It makes me feel less lonely in the world of weight loss. It's tough when you don't have someone to share how you feel about your body and your desire to change it on a day-to-day basis. I look in the mirror when I'm in the bathroom at work and wonder, how did I get this way? It's like I am seeing myself for the first time. The pockets on my pants gape and won't lay flat. The seams stretch on my pants. My shirts ride up in the front and the back. (But, I comfort myself with the fact that my ankles look F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!) How did this happen? How did I let this happen? Where was I when this was happening? How do I change it? How long will it take? It feels like it happened without me being conscious of it, so why can't I lose all the weight without having to be so vigilant? I gained all this weight over the span of years, but I want to take it off in a year. Is that possible? I'm trying to crunch the numbers, but the numbers don't tell me how hard it's going to be to stop ordering take out and to put that third beer back in the fridge and to not make a late night run to the grocery store for a pint of vanilla Ben & Jerry's. What is going to take the place of food in my life? What's going to celebrate my successes with me and comfort me in my failures? What is going to help me handle my stress and let me kick back and relax? I'll leave you with this parting thought - How do you break bread with someone when you can't eat the bread anymore?