Sunday, December 14, 2008

Attention of a Member of the Male Species

145.4 lbs. @ WW on Sat. Dec. 13th
145.0 lbs. @ home on Sun. Dec. 14th

So, I'm taking down the running tool bar since I'm obviously not even ATTEMPTING to run 10 miles by Dec. 31st - sad, but true.

My new weight goal is to get back to 138 lbs. I've decided on this because I felt comfortable in my skin between around 135 lbs. from January - June this year, but when I saw pictures of me in May, I thought I looked creepy and too skeletal. (My mom says I'm crazy and that I just need to get used to a new face, but hey, it's my opinion that counts, right? And, to be honest, I miss my old face :( So, I've upped my new set point to 138 lbs. It's also obviously closer to my original goal of 141 lbs. But, I don't want it to become all about 3 lbs. here and 2 lbs. here. I just don't want to regain everything. My new fave WW meeting leader Hal said that they would be willing to reset my goal weight without me re-joining - because according to the new WW guidelines you have to be within 2 lbs. above, or below, your goal weight to be Lifetime. Sucks, but I guess it's a good problem to have?

So, I have been dipping my toe into the waters of dating and interacting with the men folk around town. It's very interesting. I had a set-up that went badly, but with my new found self-confidence I didn't blame myself, or even care if he thought I was attractive, intelligent, interesting ... (insert adjective I'm insecure about here). And while I have told every other woman the hilarious tale of how it went, when my friend asked how it went (it was actually a friend of hers husband who I met at a wedding 4 years ago who suggested the set up), I just politely emailed, "unfortunately, we weren't a good match." and left it at that. No need for him to ever potentially find out how insane I think he is, since that would be mean. Now there's a guy in my work life I'm interested in, but that could turn out very badly, so I am treading lightly in that direction. The good thing is that I have evidently shaken off the immature notions of being attracted to guys who are: inaccessible, players, cocky, etc. and I find myself only interested in guys who are, shock of all shocks, NICE to me. It is nice to actually trust myself again, a little bit anyway, that I am not interested in guys just because I find them attractive. They actually have to show some interest in me and treat me nicely for me to be interested in them. (Trust me, I am the classic doormat who never thinks she deserves for a guy to like her and ends up putting herself in situations and picking guys who don't really like her, just to prove to herself that I don't deserve the interest of any guy.) I don't have any more dates lined up, but that's okay. I need to take baby steps with this. Believe it or not, phone conversations, chats in the hallway and emails are still very hard for me. This is an arena I have no experience with. I am not exaggerating when I say that set-up was the first "date" I have had in 10 years. Can you believe that? A decade sitting on my freakin couch. What a waste.

1 comment:

Vickie said...

I was going to drop you a note and tell you to read Roni's dating post - what great comments it had! - but then I saw your name that you had seen it too.

The one huge benefit that I can see in the online dating sites - is being able to be VERY specific in what you want (educational level, interests, goals for the future, etc)
and don't want (perhaps previous marriages/children, smoking, debt, habits, etc).

What are you doing with yourself besides work? groups, church, clubs? Are you putting yourself out there where someone looking for you can find you?