Friday, February 09, 2007

The Power of Full Engagement

Where to begin? I'm feeling great! I have met a scale goal, an exercise goal and a non-scale goal this week:
  • I lost 3.2 lbs. so I am on track to make 34 by 34!
  • I exercised 5 days this week for a total of 225 minutes!
  • I can actually button my suit jackets and they don't pull across my chest!
I mentioned my leadership class in a previous post. We have a lot of outside reading to do, but only one required book, The Power of Full Engagement. It is awesome. I'm recommending it to anyone who wants to take a look at how they are spending their energy and what they are spending their energy on. There was one passage that really struck me:

"When we feel challenged rather than threatened, we are more willing to extend ourselves, even if that means taking some risk and experiencing some discomfort along the way."

That passage speaks to me on so many levels, about weight loss, about going back to grad school, and about dating. I've posted a link to the book on at the end of this post.

Thanks to all of you who responded to my last post on flirting and potentially dating in the future. It is so wonderful to be vulnerable and reveal something you are scared of and get support back. It isn't something I'm comfortable talking to my friends about. And to answer a few questions: the only thing I am involved with outside of school is hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law, I graduate in May and I am definitely not staying in this area after I graduate. And to clarify, I actually think is great. I have many friends who have met their boyfriends/fiances/husbands through Match. I just don't want to seek out advice from Dr. Phil.

The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz http://http//


Vickie said...

SO - if you are only going to be in your current area for a little while more - and will probably never see many/most of those other students again - I would PRACTICE conversation and meeting people as much as possible.

One idea is to introduce yourself - in general - whenever you can - the person on the treadmill next to you - the person in line with you - that looks nice. People who do this and do it well are seen as friendly and open and charming (in my opinion) - when someone seeks me out - and says hello and chats for a minute - it brightens my whole day.

Perhaps join some type of interactive (conversation based) group, join a project based group that is "just for a day" and not a major time committment - like habitat for humanity, or a recycling drive, etc where there are a lot of men.

You can work out all your "getting warmed up" and "what to say" on them - and then by the time you get to where ever you are going to BE - you will be more comfortable - and have the kinks worked out on how you want to answer things and what you want to know about them - quickly.

And I think you WILL have to figure out/practice how to answer questions about what you have been doing in a way that "says what you want it too".

Not because I think it is any body's business - but because that is the sort of thing people are going to ask - in the process of introducing themselves and meeting you. They won't MEAN anything by the questions - it will just be small talk - but if you are hesitant or uncomfortable or floundering for an answer - THEN it will be weird and they might wonder what is up.

If you plan it out in advance so that you give an answer and make it very positive - you won't have to feel awkward about (lack of relationships) or anything else that bothers YOU - that they wouldn't give a second thought - if you answered easily/smoothly.

I think someone mentioned one of those speed introduction get together things - where you spend 5-10 minutes with each person. You might seriously consider doing something like that there - maybe under a false last name - just for the practice of introducing yourself and making small talk - before you move on to your new home.

Another thought would be if you get an short term job - in your process of moving on - to get one where there are a lot of men - so you get used to talking to lots of different types - it is so much easier if it is work or project or group or club related.

I am not suggesting you DATE anyone that you work with - I don't think that is ever a good idea. I guess I am talking about "training wheels" so that you get used to lots of different types and making small talk with them all - if it is in safe/daily environment - you'll get used to it much quicker.

I am not writing this all because I think you are socially inept - I am writing it because I had a cousin that only dated one guy - all through high school, all through college and for 4+ years after - yes - a VERY long time. One day - 4+ years after college - she got a wedding invitation from a high school friend - said something jokingly about "everyone is going to be asking when our wedding date is" and he was GONE - the next day - totally out of her life. He had never intended on getting married - somehow she didn't know that.

She was devastated - as you can imagine - it was just like getting a divorce for her.

And when she started dating again - she didn't know what to do or how to get started - because she had only ever done the serious relationship part (granted not very well in the communication part . . .) and had NEVER DONE the meeting guys part - and she had a really hard time.

She was an elementary school teacher - in an inner city school - no guys to meet there - at all - it was tough for her.

She did eventually meet someone - married - is expecting her second child in April. they have been married less than three years - having their children quickly . . . but seem to be doing okay.

angelfish24 said...

Way to go on your wt loss this week! That book sounds interesting, I'll have to check it out. As for the dating thing, maybe getting out there and joining a club? Or if you like to exercise, maybe bike club or singles activity type thing. My friend met her hubby at the bike club. Also, just saying hi and making small talk like the above poster said is a good idea. Have a good week!

KL said...

Way to go on your loss so far! I like having a challenge as well. Right now, I feel like I am challenging myself rather than challenging others. It's still working though.
No matter my weight, I have always been a tremendous flirt. I flirt with everybody ... cute boys, women, dogs, my friends' parents. You name it, I flirt. Not in a gross way, but I am great with small talk and making people feel like they are the only reason I am there. At 289 pounds, I flirted. To me, it has nothing to do with weight. Talk to strangers. I find it exhilirating!

Mal said...

It's incredible to me that people can set weight goals attached to time frames (your 34 by 34) and ACHIEVE them. Totally wonderful. I just always attribute some sense of awe and wonder and paranormal activity to my weight loss mechanism and don't feel I can speed it up OR slow it down. Probably the key is not to do either of those things, but just to set realistic goals that make sense for my body's own time frame. I guess what I'm saying is: I'm impressed!