I had dinner and drinks with my friend who just broke up with her boyfriend tonight. She was in pretty good spirits, as she has been throughout this process. She puts up a good front. She started talking about relationships. She's had a steady stream of relationships over the years. I asked her how much time she's spent alone. She came up with something like 6-8 weeks. Weeks! I asked her how she met these men and she said that they just fall into her life when she's not looking (when does she have time to look, I ask you?). She's about a size 0 or a size 2. Granted she's 5'2", but still, I'm 5'4". I'm jealous. She doesn't seem to realize that what she looks like has a lot to do with the attention she has gotten over the years.
When I ask her about my issues with dating, she's sitting there telling me I need to walk into a bar like I own the place and that I'm more attractive than any other woman in the room. How in the world can I do that when I am gigantic compared to her? She said that she is just naturally sort of flirty. I wanted to say that at my weight I'm not allowed to be flirty, but I couldn't. I just couldn't be that vunerable with her. I know that many of you out there are amazing women with great self confidence and are flirty. But I've always gotten shit for trying to be flirty at a larger size. I've pretty much been told to my face, "who do you think you are?"
And when I say larger size, I mean size 12 for God's sake (back before I gained a lot, but not all, of my weight)! It has made me very self-conscious in "co-ed" situations. I feel like I'm not attractive enough to be flirting with any of the guys.
Even so, one thing I am doing to feel good about my accomplishments is that for graduation I am wearing a short black dress that I've had for 10 years, but only recently fit into again, with peep-toe pumps. Totally not business-like, but I figure I have to wear the stupid cap and gown, so I can wear whatever I want to underneath it. Let those guys with their "hot lists" I am definitely not on, who didn't give me a second thought for two years, eat their hearts out and realize what they are going to miss out on. F*ck 'em!
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I think it is true that the size 2's who have never had to contemplate life in another size have ideas about "confidence" that do not factor in the auto ammo of what they look like.
But it is equally true that if you can find a way to be comfortable and happy with who you are and what you look like, no matter what your size, then that translates to attraction, both in general social terms and specifically being the shiny flower that the men want to pollinate.
So to speak.
I bet you are going to rock that black dress and peep-toe. What color nail polish will you be sporting? I need peep-toe inspiration. My shoes all look like they are from 1999 - and not in a good way.
Salma, you made me laugh. Thank you.
On the nail polish issue I haven't decided yet. I normally wear a really red color on my toes, but I'm thinking of being more demure and maybe getting a french manicure on my toes. But, I don't know if I love how that looks. Any suggestions?
It's hard to walk into a place with confidence whn you're not a size to, but Marilyn Monroe did it well, and so does Liv Tyler who has been chastized by the movie industry because whe weighs oaver 150 pounds.....I think you should give it a try.
I am, and have always been, a tremendous flirt. Whether I was a size 12 or a size 26, I was a tremendous flirt. To me, it has nothing to do with size. Okay, maybe the ones you end up going home with have something to do with size, but the flirting itself -- absolutely not. Wear those peep toes and flaunt what you got (on the inside and outside). Have fun!
I have a friend who is about 5'2 and about 330 pds but man, she looks good and confident all the time. Her nails are immaculate, she has the coolest clothes and her hair is always funky as. She exudes confidence and it attracts people to her. I know (being at 220pds myself) that it is bloody hard to feel confident in your image but if you feel confident of the person on the inside then it will shine through. I think, from what I have read, that you are a lovely person who has every right in the world to be as confident as hell. You are going to look stunning and you will feel such a feeling of accomplishment.
I use to know a plus size woman whom had the gall to flirt at every dick and tom. I’m sorry to say, but I did notice that a lot of the guys responding the way you described (guys are such dicks!). But then she would dismiss them as if they weren't worth her time and move on to the next. She had real confidence! Not the trying-to-cover-up-my-insecurities kind. The genuine kind that attract attention from others. Make others want to be her friend, and some guys actually did responded positively. These are the guys that matter and these are the guys worth trying for. Not those every day superficial a%$holes!
I hope you blow them away during graduation!
Once you're out of college, it's a little easier, because people with real lives and jobs are rarely size 2s. And college guys can be really immature. I'm sure you are much cuter than you give yourself credit for. Your friend is a little clueless, but in a way, she's right. Walking around apologizing for who you are isn't going to attract anyone. Sure, there are guys who will write off non-size-2s, but those guys are boneheads.
Yeah, I think it's true that a smaller sizes woman doesn't have to work as hard to attract men. But, that being said, I do know people that are larger but just exude confidence in themselves and that attract people to them.
It is hard, when you have doubts about your weight to feel confident. I have trouble with that. But, we just keep trying and it's will get easier, I hope! Sound like a great black dress and shoes! You go girl1
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No MORE Mr. Fat Guy
I'm going to repeat what a lot of people said. But it is easy to exude confidence when you are a size 2. But there's a lot of people who are way bigger and smaller than size 2 who are confident, funny, and who get attention. It's a mindset that I need to figure out myself so I understand.
Congratulations on your graduation! I love the peep toes. I'm living vicariously through other people's shoes these days.
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