Long way home

First, let me thank everyone for the wonderful comments to my last post. I can't believe 12 people stopped by and left words of wisdom! You guys are terrific. I couldn't do this without you.

Second, let me apologize to anyone who's stopped by recently and hasn't seen a new post. Unfortunately life got in the way of my blog - mom came to visit last week and then I got sick this week. Writing this post is like coming home. It's nice to be home.

Third, I have good news! I've lost 6.4 pounds on Weight Watchers in the past two weeks! I know, I'm shocked too! I'm happy, but I'm also nervous and a little uncomfortable with it. I wish it would have come slower. I feel this responsibility to keep it off and 6 pounds feels like a lot right now to keep off. They also said at my meeting that you should only lose 1-2 pounds per week and one week I lost 4 pounds. I have no idea how I did it. I didn't eat terribly well that week, but I did manage my portions. So, I'm just going to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time.

There was a girl, okay woman - she was probably in her late 20's - at the Weight Watchers meeting last night that made goal. She lost 55 pounds. How awesome is that! I didn't feel comfortable walking up to her afterwards, but I wanted to know how long it took and what it felt like. I am so impressed. It was such an inspiring story. I don't usually go to Thursday night meetings. I might go back just so I have another opportunity to talk with her.

My goal for this next week is to get back to journaling what I eat and to get to the gym. It's going to be a busy week, just like every other week (and like it is for everyone else), but I'm going to get to the gym at least one time Monday - Friday.

I'm going to reach my ultimate goal of losing 78 pounds. I might take the long way home, but I'll get there.

Overwhelmed

Do you ever get to the point where you just feel completely overwhelmed by life? It's like I have so much going on that I don't even know where to begin. Do I start the laundry, clean the bathroom or read for class? Do I return emails, cook dinner or get my student loan figured out? And every time I take a break it just feels like more things have been added to the list while I wasn't looking.

I started Weight Watchers about four weeks ago and my weight has just fluctuated a few tenths of a pound. One week I'm up 0.4 pounds, the next I'm down 0.6 lbs. In the abstract I'm happy I haven't gained any sizable amount of weight, but in reality I'm really disappointed. I thought the effort I've been making would have made a difference. I guess I am going to have to start being more stringent about what I eat and how much I eat. It is definitely harder than I expected it to be. I keep getting hit in the head with realizations throughout this entire process. I realize losing weight is a major lifestyle change. I've been making some good food decisions, and some not so good decisions - as usual. I haven't exercised since Wednesday. It looks like I am going to have to be more diligent about it.

I'm worried I'm never going to lose weight and that I'm always going to look and feel like this. I applaud you all who have been losing and kept it off. You have accomplished something great.

Multi-tasking

So I did it! One day late, but I actually went to the gym today!

That's the first time since I moved here in August 2005. I planned to only ride the bike for 20 minutes, but I had three articles to read for class tomorrow night, so I rode for 40 minutes. It was a little awkward. My thighs brushed up against each other sometimes when I was pedaling. I thought I was going to feel uncomfortable when I got there an the only other person there was a thin blonde girl running on the treadmill. She actually ended up being nice (not that thin blonde people can't be nice, but you know what I mean). I think I had the bike on like the lowest resistance, but you gotta start somewhere.

I've come to the realization that losing weight is about a hundred big and little choices you make every day. When to eat, how much to eat, when to stop eating, when to go to sleep, whether or not to drink water, when to cook, what to order in a restaurant, whether or not to go to the gym, what to do at the gym, whether or not you should park at the end of the parking lot and walk a little farther to get to the store ... the list goes on and on.

It's amazing how much it takes over your life. I think I have been resistant to letting it engulf my life, but I am starting to give in. I'm also realizing just how long this process is going to take. I probably wouldn't admit this to too many people, but I think I am going to be prouder of the accomplishment of losing weight than I am of finishing grad school. I never thought I'd say that about losing weight, but I think I have come to the realization of just how hard its going to be. Here's to taking another first step - cheers! (insert your own favorite beverage here as a toast to what you've accomplished today)

Keeping Score & Missing the Goal

So, for a while I was worried that I'd resent recording what I eat in myfooddiary.com and counting points for Weight Watchers on an Excel sheet. In fact, when I joined Weight Watchers I said I wanted to the Core Plan because I didn't want to count points. Well, I have realized that the Core Plan doesn't work for me. I just don't eat those foods regularly enough. So, this week I've started counting points. I must say that myfooddiary.com helps a new Weight Watchers member count points immensely. It gives information on a food's fiber grams, calories, fat grams, the whole she-bang. I'm sure the etools on the Weight Watchers site does the same thing, but since I am already used to myfooddiary.com it has been great. Therefore I highly recommend doing both.

On a separate note, while I have been good about keeping track of what I eat I haven't been good about what I eat. So, I am asking for your help and inspiration. What do you do to prevent yourself from taking the easy way out and picking up something quick on the way home, from eating that second serving, from eating what you know you shouldn't. While I am learning about how bad some of the food I eat regularly is for me, I don't seem to have any willpower over the foods I already know are bad for me. Please share how you answer that voice in your head, and tell yourself it just isn't worth it. Thanks in advance!

Weight Watchers Weigh-in # 2

Thanks for all your positive posts. It really makes me feel like I'm not alone.

So I did it, after two weeks and one false start, I finally got back to a Weight Watchers meeting.

I went to a different location and I liked the meeting leader better. It's funny that each group has a few stereotypical members - there always seems to be an older woman who has been around the block and lets everyone know by answering all the questions the meeting leader asks the crowd before anyone else can. I actually find it kind of endearing. It takes the pressure off of me to feel like I have to participate. I'm planning on going back next week.

So, I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting with bated breath, wondering what the scale said. Okay, since you asked so nicely I'll tell you ... 224.2, I'm up .4 from 223.8 two weeks ago. Considering the fact that I didn't journal my food or count points for those two weeks, I'm perfectly fine with that number. I mean, I don't want to waste money by going and not losing. But for right now I need to make it a habit before I can focus on losing. And, I need to start exercising. I think that is going to be my goal for Saturday afternoon. So here's my pledge:

I pledge that I will ride the recumbent bike at the gym for 20 minutes on Saturday, 9/9.

I also think I am going to count points instead of trying to live within the confines of the core program. I have realized I just don't eat enough core food naturally to make it an easy transition. Yeah, counting points and keeping track of my food at myfooddiary.com is going to be a b*tch, but if I make it a habit I think I can stick to it.

So that's me in a nutshell. A roomy nutshell, but it'll get smaller. Take care!

Mall Rats

Okay, so I don't have a report to give on my Weight Watchers meeting. I slept through my alarm and I missed the meeting. I don't know why, I have been getting up early all week. I have to pick out a meeting to go to this coming week. Should be interesting since classes begin on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted. Sorry to let you down.

I went shopping yesterday with my sister. I thought it would be fun. Unfortunately I forgot that she's a size 0/2 or extra-small/small and has a job and I'm a size 18/20 and have no income because I'm a student. Needless to say it was not that much fun. I love my sister and I like window shopping, but its depressing when you can't try anything on because they don't have your size and you have to watch someone constantly go back for a smaller size. It has been this way my entire life, the only difference is that when we were younger I was a size 8. I can't believe I spent my time feeling fat back then. I can't believe I got mad at my sister back then. I wasted so much time.

I need to find things to do with my sister that don't involve clothing shopping or food. That cuts out about 99% of all social activities in America. Guess I'll just continue to sit on my couch alone and dream about food.

Top 5 Things I Can't Wait to Do ...

... When I Lose Weight:

# 5 Eat food in public without feeling like people are saying, "of course she eats that way, look at her"
# 4 Wear a skirt without needing a girdle to prevent my thighs from rubbing together
# 3 Button my suit jacket
# 2 Buy clothes in a real store instead of needing to buy the bigger sizes online
# 1 Stop assuming the reason why a guy isn't interested is because of how much I weigh

I had another pretty bad week - long days, stress and no willpower. I did well Monday and Tuesday, but it went down hill on Wednesday. I'm going to try to get back on track this weekend. I have my second Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow morning. I don't have any illusions of having lost any weight. In fact, I'm curious to find out how much I've gained. I'll write again tomorrow with an update of how the meeting went.