Friday, July 06, 2007
There was a new woman at my WW meeting tonight. Melvin, my meeting leader, made a point of getting her to introduce herself to the group. As with most new people, she was a little embarrassed by the attention. He mentioned that she had asked at the weigh-in how much weight can people lose. He gestured to me as the example of how much weight you can lose and touted my 61.6 lbs. lost. It was weird. I mean I appreciate the support I get at my meetings immensely, but I don't know if I want to be the poster girl for the 5:30 pm meeting on Thursdays. She then asked how long it took me and he made a big point about the fact that it didn't matter how long it took me because it would sound either short or long to her and it might not be motivational. He is very into not having deadlines for your weight loss and letting it happens as it happens. Anyway, I'm starting to get embarrassed for the attention I'm getting at my meetings because of the amount of weight I've lost. I'd like to just be like everyone else at the meeting. And I'm starting to feel like I've had this weight loss a little too easy. Like it hasn't been painful enough, or I haven't gone through enough deprivation to deserve my loss. And I kinda feel guilty around my friends who are bigger than me, like I've left them behind or something. That was always a concern of mine before I ever truly started lose weight and now I feel guilty. I mean I know I've had to make difficult choices to not eat certain things every day, and I know I've exercised even when I didn't want to (not as often as I should though). I know that reaching goal doesn't all the difficult choices any easier, that maintaining is hard too. I just worry that I'm not going to be able to keep it off, to maintain the loss. Do you ever feel like you'd just like a vacation from not having to think about what you are, or are not, going to eat every day? I don't mean license to eat anything, just the ability to not have to count points or fit in enough water, or anything. Just feel like I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life and it is starting to wear on me. I know I've just totally contradicted myself. Has anyone else had these kinds of conflicted feelings?
Posted by TrixieBelden at 12:38 AM