Family Stress, Holiday Stress

Ugh, Christmas! I thought I did well on the eating front, but really, let's not kid a kidder: stuffing, gravy, chocolate mousse, my favorite beer , deep dish pizza ... the list goes on and on and on.

I tried to pick my battles and make healthy choices (steamed scallops at the Chinese restaurant, rare tuna an arugula without dressing), and make every unhealthy choice one I would enjoy, but inevitably, sometimes the "oh, just this once because it's the holidays" doesn't end up tasting all that great. But, you're hungry and haven't eaten in hours and grandma is driving you batty because she doesn't understand the concept of 3 hour lunches with your friends, so you just pick something that will comfort you. Ahh, yes, comfort food. I didn't realize until I'd ordered a burger and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight that all the family stress from the holidays had finally pushed me over into stress eating. I don't, really as a rule, eat out of stress or boredom. Some how, some blessed way, I have managed to navigate the weight loss terrain for over 2 years without eating to relieve my stress about graduate school, or not having a job, or not dating, or trying to date after a decade on the couch (literally and figuratively), or not having any money, or moving across the country, or moving back across the country, or starting a new job, or managing new employees, or dealing with new clients, or finding a new apartment (but in a building that's being renovated, hello - no cable again for the 3rd time in 3 months!) . . .

But now, after the 6 days I spent with my parents and grandmother, I am stress eating. My choices today were ridiculous. I had a bagel for breakfast, no lunch, sucked down pretzel and diet Coke like it was my job, and then opted for the burger and mashed potatoes (oh, I forgot the escargot soaked in garlic butter - I was at a French bistro). I did manage to only have two beers, but I did have cappuccino, and trust me, this joint doesn't even have skim milk on the premises (I also overheard another well-meaning young woman next to me ask for it and be rebuffed). It took like over 2 years for me to find my stress eating trigger - family drama. You'd have thought it would have come out before seeing as I lived with my parents for 4 months earlier this year, but hey, we had casinos in Vegas, so I guess that's how I dealt with my stress. Oh, yeah, and hiking and running and walking. Oops. Forgot about the exercise. Guess that's a good way to deal with things. (Insert hand slapping forehead here.)

So, on New Year's Eve morning, I would LOVE to resolve to go running ... for the first time in - let's count together - 1, 2, 3, okay, about 3 months. (The last time I remember running it was when I was at a conference in Texas at the end of September.) But, I just checked weather.com and discovered that it will be raining/snowing tomorrow. Ugh! But! I also got the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD from Netflix yesterday (thanks for the suggestions!) so, I can test drive that tomorrow morning. (Saturday and Sunday look like they might be dry possibilities for running outside. Still not sure about spending $80+ a month for a gym membership.)

So, my friends, I am off to have a nice cup of coffee before bed. I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, but I find a nice cup of hazelnut coffee quite relaxing. I should have planned ahead and gotten decaf for times like these, but hey, I like to live dangerously.



P.S.

I have to say, after this Christmas, I now understand why there is the "my family is crazy, especially during the holidays" genre. I knew those movies were around, but never fully appreciated them until this year. My recommendation if you want to partake in this genre, try Jodie Foster's (1995) Home for the Holidays. I haven't seen it in years, but I think I might just get it from Netflix.

Love Actually Insults (The Movie)

Weekly Weigh-in:

142.8 lbs. @ WW on Saturday, Dec. 20th

144.8 lbs. @ home on Saturday, Dec. 20th

So, that 2 lb. difference is a little weird, I'm not used to weighing myself at home AND at WW, but I'm still down from last week, so I'll take 142 or 144 :)

I just watched what I would like to call a sweet movie about different kinds of love - Love Actually. I haven't seen it since I saw it in the movie theatre years ago. (I pretty much see anything Colin Firth is in - I'm a HUGE fan of the BBC's version of Pride & Prejudice from the 90's - swoon!) It was really quite lovely in some ways, but in others, it was a little disturbing. Then tended to demonize overweight women. The character Hugh Grant's character is in love with is called "plumpy" by her parents (a childhood nickname) and said she broke up with her boyfriend because he said she was getting fat! Meanwhile the actress looked healthy. This disturbed me because what if some people really thought she was overweight? No one really clarified the fact that her boyfriend was batty for talking about her weight. Then there was another character who had an overweight sister. This time Colin Firth's character shows up at the girl's doorstep and asks her father for her hand in marriage. Of course the "joke" is that this girl isn't home - but her overweight sister is standing in the background, and Colin's character couldn't POSSIBLY mean her. I also found out that they cut another scene out of the American version that's in the British version where a guy, who until this scene pretty much as an unrequited crush on Keira Knightly's character, fat. Ugh! It never stops! I don't understand why a perfectly lovely movie had to lower itself to such tired and inaccurate stereotypes. I'm in my own living room, alone, and yet I still winced at these scenes. And really, what are they thinking - it's a romcom - their market are WOMEN! - so why make so many of them uncomfortable? why insult so many of them? why do we put up with it?

On a happier note, I got most of my stuff done today. I'm buying the tea tomorrow because Starbucks was crazy, but I found it at my corner market, so I'm going back tomorrow. I also need rain boots because when it snows here GIGANTIC puddles form that make it impossible to get from the sideway to the street without wadding through puddles about 2-3 feet wide.

On an unhappier note, I just don't feel like doing work tomorrow. Partially because I should have delegated all of this to my team, but they say they are working at capacity, so it falls to me if I want it to get done. And, in the end, I want it to get done. I guess I should be happy I'm on vacation from Tuesday-Monday. It's the first real vacation I've take since I started at the end of April. Let's see if I can stay off the computer for work for 7 days straight! So, I'll work a little tomorrow and a lot Monday and then relax! :)

MizFit's Raising Money for a Domestic Violence Shelter

I found MizFit's blog through Lynn and MizFit is doing a wonderful thing ...

For every comment she receives on this post, she'll donate 10 cents to Safeplace, a local domestic violence shelter.

What a wonderful idea! I actually live next to a shelter for women and their children and I think this is such an important thing.

I've decided I'm going to do a partial match ... I'm going to match 15% of whatever MizFit raises on her blog. Sorry it's not more, but it's all I can manage at this point.

So, what are you waiting for ... go on over to MizFit and comment! :)

Pretzels & Points

Ugh, counting points! I am sitting here sucking down pretzels and being terrible because I haven't counted out my portions. I forgot how hard it is to start something you haven't done in 6 months. Counting points is hard, man. I started again after my WW meeting on Saturday and I'm having a difficult time of it. I don't want to pay for eTools, but the paper booklets are too old school for me, so I made a spreadsheet in Excel. But, it requires being at home and not having pretzels in my hand. I can't say I was shocked that I ate/drank 50+ points on Saturday, but man is it still hard to see. But, that's why I'm back to counting points. The funny thing is that I don't resent it. I thought I would, but I don't. I figure, it worked for me before, it should work again. But, it's not like I was successful at WW my first week the first time I started counting points, so while I have to admit I thought I would see a big loss this week, I'm realizing that's not going to be the case. (That and I weighed myself yesterday and realized I was exactly the same weight I was on Saturday. Not bad, but not what I was looking for.)

Thanks for your ideas on how to work out in the winter. I am going to try to swing joining a gym. I think it will also be good in a sort of "social" way. I know that no one really makes friends at the gym, but its nice to be out and among people and I really haven't made any new friends since I moved back to NYC. I joined my friend's book group, but I only see those women like once a month or every other month. This week is a little lonely until I leave next Tuesday for Christmas. I have literally 3 friends I see with varying frequency. My one friend I see once or twice a week is already gone for the holidays, my other friend has a 2 year old and is pregnant with twins, and my other friend is leaving on Saturday for Texas. So, I'm trying to figure out how to spend my weekend without going stir crazy. I know all of you out there with kids and hectic lives hate me right about now, but my life isn't totally boring. It is 7:45pm and I still have 2 hours more of work to do tonight. Here's my plan for the weekend:

Saturday:
* Long walk to library for pick-up/drop-off
* Pick up dry cleaning
* Renew cell phone plan/ set up texting, etc.
* Buy red cable knit sweater dress with hood at BabyGap for niece
* Buy/make tea basket for staff at work (we all sit in the same room, so I thought it would be nice to share)

Sunday:
* Join gym
* Sign-up at ASPCA to do volunteer training in January
* Do some work (I'll be out Tuesday and Wednesday next week and the following Monday)

Attention of a Member of the Male Species

Weigh-in:
145.4 lbs. @ WW on Sat. Dec. 13th
145.0 lbs. @ home on Sun. Dec. 14th

So, I'm taking down the running tool bar since I'm obviously not even ATTEMPTING to run 10 miles by Dec. 31st - sad, but true.

My new weight goal is to get back to 138 lbs. I've decided on this because I felt comfortable in my skin between around 135 lbs. from January - June this year, but when I saw pictures of me in May, I thought I looked creepy and too skeletal. (My mom says I'm crazy and that I just need to get used to a new face, but hey, it's my opinion that counts, right? And, to be honest, I miss my old face :( So, I've upped my new set point to 138 lbs. It's also obviously closer to my original goal of 141 lbs. But, I don't want it to become all about 3 lbs. here and 2 lbs. here. I just don't want to regain everything. My new fave WW meeting leader Hal said that they would be willing to reset my goal weight without me re-joining - because according to the new WW guidelines you have to be within 2 lbs. above, or below, your goal weight to be Lifetime. Sucks, but I guess it's a good problem to have?

So, I have been dipping my toe into the waters of dating and interacting with the men folk around town. It's very interesting. I had a set-up that went badly, but with my new found self-confidence I didn't blame myself, or even care if he thought I was attractive, intelligent, interesting ... (insert adjective I'm insecure about here). And while I have told every other woman the hilarious tale of how it went, when my friend asked how it went (it was actually a friend of hers husband who I met at a wedding 4 years ago who suggested the set up), I just politely emailed, "unfortunately, we weren't a good match." and left it at that. No need for him to ever potentially find out how insane I think he is, since that would be mean. Now there's a guy in my work life I'm interested in, but that could turn out very badly, so I am treading lightly in that direction. The good thing is that I have evidently shaken off the immature notions of being attracted to guys who are: inaccessible, players, cocky, etc. and I find myself only interested in guys who are, shock of all shocks, NICE to me. It is nice to actually trust myself again, a little bit anyway, that I am not interested in guys just because I find them attractive. They actually have to show some interest in me and treat me nicely for me to be interested in them. (Trust me, I am the classic doormat who never thinks she deserves for a guy to like her and ends up putting herself in situations and picking guys who don't really like her, just to prove to herself that I don't deserve the interest of any guy.) I don't have any more dates lined up, but that's okay. I need to take baby steps with this. Believe it or not, phone conversations, chats in the hallway and emails are still very hard for me. This is an arena I have no experience with. I am not exaggerating when I say that set-up was the first "date" I have had in 10 years. Can you believe that? A decade sitting on my freakin couch. What a waste.

Looking for Winter Work-Out Ideas

Hey all,

So ... I need your, and your friends, collective wisdom on ideas for working out in the winter in a city. Here's the current state of affairs:

* I'm having an incredibly tough time motivating getting up in the morning to run in the park

* I already walk about a mile on weekdays as part of my commute, and 2-3 miles each day on the weekends. (Not that I'm against more walking.)

* I have about 6 foot wide, 4 foot deep space between my couch and my TV in which to move in my apartment. Otherwise, I'd be jazzercizing in my kitchen.

* Don't have a ton of money right now, especially since I just started going back to WW and I'm above my goal weight, so even though I'm Lifetime, I have to pay that pesky per meeting fee.

So, with all those annoying parameters, any ideas on how I can get my a** moving this winter? One thing to know about me, I lurve walking around and living in the city, so for the most part, it isn't hard for me to get out of the house, even in bad weather. Although, I will ask you all if you have found that after you've lost weight, you are colder in the winter. I swear I have never remembered being this cold in my whole life. I am guessing it is because I lost my extra layer. But is that even logical? I don't know how the whole thing works.

All suggestions are welcome!

p.s. Yes, here is my favorite photo of my new niece. This was her Halloween costume :)

There is No Such Thing as "Heat & Hot Water Included"

146.4 lbs. @ WW on Saturday, 12/6
143.2 lbs. @ home on Tuesday, 12/9 (it's all about being sick)

I'm late for my weekly weigh-in, sorry. To be honest, Sunday I was hung-over (pretty atypical for me, but I think it was worth it) and Monday there was no heat in my apartment and I got sick. Ugh! One good thing about this whole weight loss thing is that I haven't been sick in like forever. Seriously, I remember wussing out one morning and not teaching last fall, but before that I think the last time I was actually sick and couldn't make it to class/work/etc. was the fall of 2006. I have been super lucky health-wise. Alas, my crappy apartment building is under construction and the heat and hot water are unreliable to say the least.

Okay, so I did make it to WW on Saturday and I'm really glad I did. There are some really wonderful women at that meeting and I feel really comfortable with them. One beats herself up so much for wanting to lose weight, and I just feel so bad for her. She says its because she has so little overall to lose that she feels guilty. Honestly, she's been near tears at the past two meetings I've been to, so how can you be upset with her? And the things she worries about are so universal that we all understand where she is coming from. (Of course there is also the obligatory crazy lady who talks a lot, but that is New York for you, and she's a story for another time.)

I have learned that I need to start tracking again. I don't know if I'm ready to start counting points again, but I definitely need to start writing things down. I always found that so comforting when I tracked and now, ugh!, but I know I should. I was going to join Road Runners - they start classes again in January. And then, on the way to work yesterday, walking the 10 blocks in daylight, I was like, really, running at night in New York in January and February? After winter last year in Las Vegas? I don't think I can do it. I know I'm a wuss (okay, twice I've used that word during this post!), but I just don't think I can do it.

Okay, I'm off to weigh myself in the bathroom. I'll post it at the top. Ugh!